/* My bits are protected, are yours?*/ poons: August 2004
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George W. Bush is coming to the UK... and we'll be waiting for him.
31 August, 2004
  click click click
I mentioned the mouse odometer earlier in the year.
It is now on-board and counting - I'll let you know next rabbit day.
  Black rabbits
I've tried saying 'white rabbits' for luck, this month a new tack.
  I hate Tom Watson
Grrrrr - how dare he link to this on public site....

  Free Full Computer Games
That's right FREEEEEEEE! Huzzah

thanks to James for a superb heads up. Bloggage may be light.....

  Mike's Message
You *HAVE* to watch the video, produced by Democracy Now!

The chant of "four more years" is positively chilling, and the delegate from Alaska who speaks of F911 as an "unsuitable film" draws me to the same solution (oops; freudian slip) conclusion.
Alas Godwin's law precludes me from saying the word.
  How well do you know things that you don't really know?
Try Chris Lightfoot's (he of Downing Street Says fame!) Estimation quiz.

I am astounded and rather demoralised when reporting I scored a mere 19% with several of my answers being totally off the scale.

Feel free to brag about how much better you did in the comments to this post.
  Not for the faint hearted
The video entitled - Grieving dad torches self after hearing son died in Iraq

Can't link direct as it is a Real Player file in a pop up window.

If that's a bit too much - there also a video with kittens....
30 August, 2004
  Britons attack US cloning ban bid
Britons :- Scientists who know how to clone
US :- American companies who don't

Prove me wrong
  Worth a gold medal?
  What on average takes twenty minutes?
No not *that* you filthy minded readers.

This is an informative article on just why doing all those pesky updates and patches is a *A* *GOOD* *IDEA*.

Go on! Go and read it and then run some updates, it'll make me happy, really.
27 August, 2004
  Scaryduck's House of Lies
I'm about half way through the archives at Scaryduck. If you've got a few hours to spare I suggest you read them - all of them.

Warning : may contain beer/monitor interface moments...
  I've seen things...
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams ... glitter in the dark near Tanhauser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost ... in time, like tears ... in rain. Time ... to die.

I've seen Bladerunner more times than I'd care to count, I never tire of it. Best Sci-Fi movie? Yup, and in my book, best movie ever.
  Electronic Voting
Try it out - seems "fair and balanced" to me.
  Talking Points Memo: by Joshua Micah Marshall
I should point out that the previous post was found here.
Favourite t-shirt has to be

Somewhere in Texas
A village is missing an idiot
  A flog is born
No, it's not a typo....

Warning: may contain wing nuts
  Kathryn Cramer: Mark Thatcher, Entitled
A superb post that gets down to the nitty gritty of Mark Thatcher's involvement in the coup attempt, the donation by a certain Mr Archer and who one of his best buddies in Texas is.
Go on see if you guess.

A worthy addition to the blogroll.
26 August, 2004
  I Beleive In The BBC
  Human Cost of War
Again it says it as it is.

And now a repeat - i watch this once a week. It keeps me faithful. (and i like the tune!)

Edit: this is good too.
  Tell Bush The World Says No
Go on, you know you want to.
  Ummm - not safe for work
Tho if you turn your speakers off you can sing along in french....
  Tony Blair's "Values"
Speaks for itself, though I'd like to see a version backed by I Vow to Thee My Country

Warning: May contain crap MIDI music!
25 August, 2004
  Proxy Blog or Hoax??
Thanks to The Museum of Hoaxes for this one - duly added to my blogroll.

BTW the blog it button for google toolbar has started working again.

Cheers to Tim for the link to the Rizla campaign. It resulted in my largest hit count since inception - including 1 from .gov.uk and two from parliament.uk - Hi Tom! Sadly though, still no response from Rizla. Can't think why....

Finally a new webring link - right down the bottom because it was scewing up my sidebar - enjoy.

24 August, 2004
  Stoned Again
Ever wonder why Rizla make king size Rizla's?
No me neither, we all know why, but Rizla don't.

Read this article first and then read on.

So "king-size papers are particularly convenient for lorry drivers" and Rizla are in no way aware of the use of any of their products in recreational drug use but are pretty sure clarinet players think they are a god send.

I purchased a packet of green regular size Rizla papers tonight, and up on opening was met with the following pearl of wisdom

Nurture you mind with great thoughts;
To beleive in the heroic makes heroes.

followed by a url (no you don't get the click yet - keep reading)

further inspection notes a new slogan on the spine


So we trek to Rizla and this points us to the mystery site
oh okay it's inspired-by.co.uk and lo Rizla have locked into the festival scene.

So to celebrate our long history and association with musical greatness, Rizla is bringing you some of the best live music events.

that reminded me of this

Drugs have done good things for us, if you don't believe they have, do me a favour - take all your albums, tapes and CDs and burn em cos you know what, the musicians who made that great music that has enhanced your lives throughout the years?

Rrrrreal fucking high, ha ha ha ho ho.
- the late great Bill Hicks

hmmmm...... now I went to Beautiful Days last weekend, and I nattered to lots of people; many using Rizla papers of different sizes and colours for varying purposes. Not one was a lorry driver and though I once learnt to play clarinet, *drum roll* I was using them to smoke fags and rolls joints.

So I'm about to send this e-mail to Rizla HQ.

Subject : A Change of Policy?


Just bought one of the new issue green regular rolling papers and after checking out inspired-by.co.uk it got me thinking, so I written a wee ditty at . As you will see I have informed the readers of my blog that I am sending this message, but will respect any request for confidentiality if reasonable grounds are presented.



If you have a vested interest - clarinet players are you listening to me?
Then - drop an email to Rizla tell them you read this and want to know the answer.

And if you're a long distance lorry driver - I may have to skip the country shortly, though I've never really gotten on with king skins.....

Apologies for the width - in future poon's posts will be available as slims.

This post recognises the trademarks of:

Rizla UK Limited (which) is a wholly owned subsidiary of Imperial Tobacco Ltd.
Registered in England and Wales.
23 August, 2004
  Beautiful Days Pre-Amble
A big thank you to The Levellers for creating the best festy I've been to in a long long time.
Think Reading 1990 and Womad without the middle classes rolled up with any spontaneous free festival you ever went too. Remove the Special Brew (I only saw one other person drinking it all weekend - we're a dying breed - literally) and add a shot of totally scrummy Otter Ale.
The add a pinch of New Model Army and shake with Neville Staple.
Then Sip, rigourously.

btw - if you see this man, ask him if he has any ping pong balls.....
  Don't let Naseh die
Naseh Ghafor a 20 year old Kurd from Iraq, frightened by a situation whereby he could be sent back to Iraq anytime, sewed his lips up and has been on hunger-strike since the 8th July 2004 - 45 days.

For background information visit the Naseh Ghafor web page:http://www.ncadc.org.uk/newszine49/naseh.html

thanks to Aniseed for the heads up

20 August, 2004
  Comment Spam Manifesto
Heads Up from Tim

Right, I really am going now.

  What a beautiful day, hey hey
I'm the king of all time
and nothing is impossible in my all powerful mind....

It's 7:30 am and I'm awake. This is very unusual.
I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning
because today I'm off to Beautiful Days Festival in Devon

Huzzah! CYA all next week.
18 August, 2004
  Karaoke Time
I'd forgotten about this lovely little thang.
Boot up Winamp load yer favourite toonz and annoy the neighbours until the wee small hours.

17 August, 2004
  The likeness is uncanny
If you not seen a picture of blogmonkey click here then play monkey keepy-ups
  Cor 200 posts already - where does the time go?
So if a lazy ne'er do well can keep up a decent level of blogging, what about the Conservatives?

Over to Anthony

And yes I have voted.
  The new navbar - you want the good news or the bad?
Just been meandering aimlessly through the blogosphere using the new navbar that's appeared overnight.

The good news is I found this which, to be frank, is totally fucking hatstand, and also links to this which also raised a titter or two.

The bad news is two-fold

1) The amount of blogs that look absolutely bloody awful is amazing, and why do people think it's CoOl t0 FucK aROunD w1th c4piT4Ls and StuFf?
2) It also seems to be royally fucking up with some peoples' previously good designs. Tho' Blogger admit there may be problems.

EDIT: BTW does anybody else use the blog-it button on the google toolbar? Cos It doesn't work properly anymore on my machine. The ':' and '//' are being replaced with the hex codes and it doesn't translate them properly when you publish. Google Ad dissapear, Google Toolbar stops bloggin properly.... Fight!
I'm doomed to play this game until then end of time, or until I win tho' is supect the former could be the more likely.

Warning: Not Safe If You Have A Life And Want To Keep It!
"Hello my name is Jake and I made this webpage to support George W. Bush for president. Take a look at this webpage to find out more about our president and why he is the best president of America. This webpage is actualy more like a fan page because Bush will be elected again so easy that it doesnt even matter if we vote or not. So just take a look and see why George W. is the greatest"

The key phrase Bush will be elected again so easy that it doesnt even matter if we vote or not.

Out of the mouths of babes, eh?
14 August, 2004
  happy birthday to me
and yes I am *thunk*

13 August, 2004
  I'm probably going to regret installing this.....
Will report back next week.
  Bloody Psuedo Anarchists
"The Space Hijackers will not be held responsible for any trouble that you get into after reading the content of this website. All of the views and actions contained within it are completely ludicrous and we actually believe the opposite.

All of the actions and projects documented in this site are fake, we are just very good at photoshop.

Do yourself a favour, go out buy a McDonalds, wash it down with a Starbucks whilst sitting in the window seat checking out all the other people in their GAP clothes just like yours. You will find that life is much more fulfilling if you go down the path of the Global Capitalists. Sweatshop labour is a lie invented by mean hearted lefties, so that you can save your money to buy their papers.

Town planners do an excellent job of protecting local character (Which incidentally is over-rated anyway). What we actually need are more coffee shops and Malls and less local small run businesses. After all this is what the punters want isn't it?

The Space Hijackers believe completely in the good hard work of the IMF, World Bank and WTO. We think big multinationals are brilliant, and all wear Nike thongs.

If you still want to see the poorly designed, badly spelt, spoof anarchist/anti-capitalist/troublemaking website, please click here:"

  Without Prejudice
It's a long read - but you'll be glad you did.

link from Tim
12 August, 2004
  Concern over teen asylum detainee
This makes me so angry. HE SHOULD NOT BE LOCKED UP IN A PRISON.

Take a look at some of the myths surrounding asylum seekers.

  Absolutely Discraceful
Gay couples flocked to San Francisco to get married
California's Supreme Court has annulled about 4,000 gay marriages that took place in San Francisco.
The court ruled that San Francisco's mayor had overstepped his authority by issuing same-sex marriage licences earlier this year.


The first couple to receive a marriage licence in San Francisco, Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, expressed sadness at the judges' 5-2 ruling.

"Del is 83 years old and I am 79," Ms Lyon said. "After being together for more than 50 years, it is a terrible blow to have the rights and protections of marriage taken away from us."

  The Olympic Spirit
In a far cry from the high-minded ideals of humanity and tolerance embodied by the Olympics, the organizers of the Athens games have warned spectators that they could be barred for taking a surreptitious sip of Pepsi or an illicit bite from a Burger King Whopper.

Strict regulations published by Athens 2004 last week dictate that spectators may be refused admission to events if they are carrying food or drinks made by companies that did not see fit to sponsor the games.

I am aghast. Cheers to RC for the heads up. Hopefully cya at ESF.
  Justice at last
Fair brought a tear to my eye, so it did.

cheers to BlogMonkey for the link from Brucey

Cromulent - what the bloody hell does that mean?
  Stuff and nonsense
"She draws a parallel with alcoholism. 'The minute alcohol got into supermarkets and was consumed in the home, far more women and young people started to have problems.
'If that trend's the same, we're potentially looking at a new breed of gambler who is going to need a new kind of treatment.' "

Anyway enough blogging for now, I'm gonna grab me a can of Special Brew and play some poker. *cough*
  The art of understatement
"A couple shot dead in their seaside bungalow spoke to police half an hour before they were murdered, police said. "

The Police response?

Lincolnshire Police, aware of the earlier attack, took seven hours to visit the couple.

The response to the response?

Lincolnshire Police Assistant Chief Constable Peter Davies told a press conference on Thursday: "It is legitimate to question whether our response was quick enough.

To coin a phrase, NO SHIT SHERLOCK.

  European Social Forum
I'm gonna do my best to get to this, sounds like it could be a heady four days. Anyone else going?
  Ironic Error Messages #335
Just click it.
  Timeline of Toy History
"1932 - Ole Christiansen, a Danish toy maker begins to manufacture toy blocks with a new twist. Christiansen creates a plastic brick that can be locked together in different configurations. The Lego, (Lego) which comes from the Danish word meaning "play well", was born. The continuing popularity of the Lego brick probably stems from its ability to stimulate a child's imagination- just six bricks fit together in 102,981,500 different ways."

Cor that's a lot of permutations!

I never knew what Lego meant before! Bet Tim did though, Lego geek that he is.
11 August, 2004
  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1......
Yer Out!

Michael Moore Does Not Have A BLOG.
So off the blogroll with it!
  Mornington Crescent Online
I sent out e-mails about my new *BIG* idea and nobody bit so instead I'll open it up to all and sundry.

The Rules are the same as traditional Mornington Crescent, apart from the proposed variation detailed at the blog.
  London Booted - A tribute to the Clash
Excellent project from Culture Deluxe.
The entire CD is available for free legitimate download.

BTW if anyone out there has a copy of 10000 Spoons

Aled Jones Vs Massive Attack - Teardrops in the Air I would soooo love a copy.
Pretty piccies.
  Dribbleglass.com--The History of Boobs
I swear to dog that I just stumbled upon this, honest.
(marginally NSFW)
  A blog is born
My friend Rachel is a transexual. After some barracking I've encouraged her to start a blog. Some of the stuff posted already makes for pretty disturbing reading. Pop over a say hi!
  www.septembereleventh.org: 9-11 Visibility Project
In their own words :

We are an action-oriented 9-11 website. Many good websites already exist offering research and analysis of the events of September 11th, 2001. Our purpose is not to duplicate these efforts, nor to prove or disprove what really happened. Rather, our goal is to support the 9-11 truth movement itself, led by the victims' families' efforts to obtain full government accountability for the suspicious and unprecedented intelligence and air defense failures that took place before and during the attacks. What you will find on this site are information and tools designed to help build this movement.

See also : copvcia

Links from this thread on B3TA.
10 August, 2004
  When cats go bad....
Forget the war on terror. They may look like cute kittens but air passengers beware....
03 August, 2004
  Rain and stormy weather batter UK
I did O'level geography
I failed it
I don't remember the UK having a monsoon season
  I'm play testing a new blog
No link.

Let me know if you'd like to be a play tester.

  sinners! repent here! (terms and conditions apply)
Yes, you all know Tub Thumping, but they've been around for quite a bit.

Download lots of great toonz.

Edit - or watch them in action - and yes Tub Bloody Thumping is there

  Black Spot Update
After finding out that Black Spot Trainers are soon to be released I dropped them a line just making sure that the knew of Howies in the UK. I'm glad to say that I received this reply from them today....

Hi Poons!

Thanks for the referral! I'm glad to say that Howies already
approached us. I love their stuff - gotta get me an "American Ego"

And yes - keep hounding your local skate shop! If you want a list of UK
distributors, we'll post one on our website once we get the shoes to
them. You can order directly from us through mail order too.


So there you go, if you want to be the proud owner of what will be undoubtably 'the next big thing' in footwear, get down to your local independent skate shop and tell them to get their advance order into today!
  Kerry comes out writing
Or at least his team does....

UNITED States presidential contender John Kerry sought to build on the momentum of the Democratic National Conference yesterday when he launched a book-length blueprint for his White House campaign, including plans to fight terrorism and improve homeland security.

Speaking at a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Mr Kerry put security at the heart of his campaign, accusing the president, George Bush, of pursuing policies that had encouraged recruitment of terrorists and failed to make the US as safe as it ought to be.

The 263-page book, Our Plan for America: Stronger at Home, Respected in the World, offers a detailed description of the Democratic ticket’s platform in a compilation of policy positions and recommendations.

"We offer this plan because we believe this election should be about ideas to lift America up, not negative attacks that drag America down," wrote Mr Kerry and his running mate John Edwards.

Full book here - 1.5Mb PDF File which I can confirm is 263 pages long. Can I get back to you on it, I need some sleep?
  Electric fence may surround Big Ben
I'm gonna be a pedant here.
Big Ben is the a bell, albeit a bloddy big one.

Big Ben is housed in the Great Clock of Westminster as the hourly bell.

Unless dey gonna go techno with da bong bong.
  Subservient President
I prefered the chicken and the monkey
Tidying up my MP3's - this one is 7.4mb if anyone would like a review copy of it. Tis an old classic. poons at punkass dot com

  Here Comes The War
"Do you hear the sirens scream across the city?
We've had three hot nights in succession - the riot season is here again"
02 August, 2004
  Tony Blair News
Well that link above is about it for Google News.

Oh there is this. Sick bags optional.

So who is running the country? Oh. No? Really.


So that's why they call it the Silly Season

It gets worse

However the publictecnology site has just made my brain explode, back soon.

  Robin Banks to become illegal
No not a typo.

Banksy is upto something, in central london, tomorrow. You may still be able to sub to the mailing list - if not I'll do my best to throw the details up here.

Ironic timing.

Edit - You have been registered to receive an invitation to the unveiling of the new Banksy street monument.

This will take place on Wednesday 4th August at 7.30pm. Refreshments will be provided. Children and dogs welcome

That's from the e-mail I got a few weeks ago.

  Santa off the hook and in other news
Santa keeps South African franchise.

The Japanese having introduced karaoke to the west finally get their revenge

And finally

New Democratic candidate to stand against Arnie in California next time round contest starts
  They said headway

Okay my usual poker site is doing some updates so I'm gonna sit here instead and post some more inane posts.
  The dangers of following trains of thoughts
I'm not even gonna look at the rest of the site tonight. Poker beckons....
  Laugh? Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to
This caption contest is a scream. The rest of the site may also make you froff at the mouth.

Don't say I didn't warn you.
  Insulting your intelligence the Bush way
Bush wants an Intelligence Czar. He actually personally needs some intelligence, but that's a different story.

He wants to install a person to oversee the intelligence in the United States. He wants this person to be independent of the West Wing and oversee all intelligence gathering in the US. He wants the person to be free of undue influence.

Oh yeah, The pResident will have ultimate sanction to hire and fire this person.

Can anyone else see a small contradiction here? I mean, If Dubya hired you, could there be a small chance of subconscious influence at play, and we all well know how troublesome that can be.

Also of interest is who will get the post. I'm giving great odds on Robin Cook at the moment if anyone fancies a flutter! And yes, I do know the Robin Cook link is borked, wonder why!
  Forget WMD, TWOT and anything else for that matter
There is a far far worse evil in our midst....

01 August, 2004
  Two years on
Feeling a bit retitcent today so thought I'd check out some weblinks from two years ago.

It's amazing how many don't work
  Sometimes I read my own google ads
They are usually benign but this one caught me.
Blogged and Blogrolled

  This reminds me of someone
But I won't tell anyone who it is Tim ;o)
  Who got closer?
George Orwell or Bill Waterson?

getting a bit more serious

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